(Tina says: Pwitty pweeeeaze watch 30 Rock!)
If you have watched TV at all these past few months you have probably seen 30 Rock's one-woman PR firm, Tina Fey. She has taken just about every air-time opportunity, be it on SNL, Late Night With David Letterman, or even the Emmys (where 30 Rock won Outstanding Comedy Series, Outstanding Lead Actor and Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy Series, and Best Writing in a Comedy Series), to implore American TV views to please, for the love of God, watch 30 Rock.
SIGH.
Yet again, a comedy I adore is not doing well in the ratings. Yet another sharp-witted, outstandingly written social commentary/satire is a hit with critics, but a complete flop with the Nielsen familes. Why does this always happen to me? Why must I relive the death of Arrested Development again? Why do you Nielsen families want to ruin my television experience all the time?
The deja vu is seriously heartbreaking. While 30 Rock has always had its share of celebrity guest stars and cameos, due to being about a variety show produced at NBC Studios, this year they are pulling out the big guns. For crissakes, OPRAH is guest-starring. Unfortunately, star-studded sitcoms are very often a telltale sign of a sinking ship. Arrested Development made the same desperate attempts at attracting new viewers in its third season, and we all know how helpful that was, now don't we?
I love Tina, and adore pretty much every moment she spends onscreen, but I am starting to get unbearably sad and panicked every time I hear her beg us all: "Watch 30 Rock! Please! PLEASE, WATCH MY SHOW!" I feel hopeless, too, because while I watch her show religiously, I don't have one of those boxes in my house that gets to help decide what we watch. If people like me got Nielsen boxes, we would all be watching the fifth season of Arrested Development, the sixth season of Firefly and the tenth season of Sports Night. Instead, we have the eleventy-hundredth season of ER and, for some reason, Two and a Half Men?
I really want to know, who are these people with these little boxes that tell the Powers That Be what to renew and what to shitcan and then convert months later to DVDs they will market to loyal suckers like me who will snatch them up and watch all the episodes in rapid succession every six months or so, until reaching the last last episode, when they will then cry tears of mourning because there will never again be another episode of that show, ever? If you know any of these Nielsen families who steal my beloved shows from me, can you please send me their home addresses? Because I am sick — SICK, I TELL YOU! — of suffering this indignity.
I am gonna hunt you down, Nielsen families. And once I find you, I am gonna strap you Nielsen moms and dads down and make you watch 30 Rock until your sides ache with laughter. And if, after this, you do not tune into your local NBC affiliate every Thursday at 9:30 p.m. (8:30 central) and watch 30 Rock, I will do much worse.
I will hack your Tivo so it erases all your shows and records over them with 60 Minutes and reruns of 7th Heaven. I will make it so every channel you flip to is C-SPAN or the Home Shopping Network. And then I will put all your toilet seats up and leave the cap off your toothpaste. I will not wipe my feet before entering your house, either, and may leave your refrigerator door open. I will also feed your cat the really expensive cat food, so that he will snub the cheap stuff you buy him and perhaps barf it into your favorite shoes, and then you'll have to go buy the fancy cat food to keep him from barfing in your shoes. I am so serious, Nielsen families. Do not fuck with me.
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. Watch 30 Rock ... or else.
Source
No comments:
Post a Comment